Emotional Battlefields
by yami1234
Summary: Jasper's existence has been but an open battlefield inside of him, raging a war that threatened to destroy his entire being. But there was one thing, in his immortal existence that changed that and that possibility lay in the hands of an angel. JXA


**Well, I'm back and pumped up to begin writing again now that the semester is almost over. This is just a little story I came up with on a whim to test out my new and improved writing style.**

**Hope you enjoy as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**Nothing is mine, all rights are Stephenie Meyers**

_Hell hast no fury more than the scorn of a life tormented in pain and savageness. The sweltering emotions of fear, fight, and frenzy erupted in small portions distancing myself more and more from the light with each passing day. In a river, in an ocean sinking the fleeting feeling of life was being taken away ever so slowly. You cannot hold on... no one can ever hold on. The deep dark shadows linger ever so silently waiting, waiting for you to be taken. They laughed. They laughed as the devil himself laughs when a being, a creature of the night gives his soul over in an exchange for immortality. Though no one ever warned that immortality or the devils laughter was a choice. No for me it wasn't a choice to make. It was a choice that was made from me. By the one fleeting moment I resided in my human self, staring into the eyes of three goddesses, I could now only vaguely remember as the one. The one named Maria walked forward in all her graceness and beauty. In all the tempered moments I spend reliving my final moments as a human my subconscious mind wanders back to the movement of her hips as she sauntered towards me, beckoning me like a dying man to his last meal. I couldn't help but be enticed by her voice, the voice of the devil disgusted within a goddess of beauty. Only now do I realize that the devil, the one whose presence I fought to cast away as my existence continued, was inside the body of that woman, the woman who made me into a soulless creature. _

_I was not by far a creature of habit, a creature of complete and utter control for the deviled she dog that lead me around like a zombie, a creation all her own. I was but too obligated to abide by her way of life, her rules, and her emotions. Everything about this goddess screamed to me even long after my heart stopped beating and rotted in my chest. The dark blackened desires to feed, to kill, to survive were all that I knew, all that I longed for. _

_And even among the countless lives taken, not once did I regret. No. No. I never regretted taking the life of human or creature. It was but for a thrill, a rush I would get. The moment my goddess spoke the words of want, I was but obligated to follow. Her powers over me held strong, so strong. But strong enough that I didn't question it, never once did I fathom that she was anything more than the desire and being of my existence, however dark and abiding it was. Even in all that ungodly life I spent, she loved me. Oh how she lead me to believe that her feelings of greed and power were underplayed by her desires for me. Her desires of lust and pleasure were not just ones of obligations. Oh no, her desires were but my undertaking and responsibility to fulfill. If such a creature were to give me life, and lead me, to teach me the ways of survival in this war forged world. Then her desires were but a consolation prize I had received._

_Over time this thinking, this thinking turned to true emotions. I would never admit it openly, for such emotions were weak and distractible. I was her best. I was the one. I was the everything her life needed to continue. But still I couldn't fight the feelings I felt for her. The desires, the lust, the overbearing emotion to be with the goddess herself. I spent so much time thinking about this goddess that I slowly and unnoticed her demeanor changing towards me. Oh, how I had missed so many of the signs. The hardened stares, the retreats from the bedroom. Her desires of war and power seem to seep away like the ocean tide, and with them so did she. Her distance and distrust in me hurt, it hurt more than anyone would ever know, but still I tried. I tried so hard for that goddess. I had to make her see, make her realize she still needed me and still wanted me as I did her. But I was wrong. I was wrong. _

_The emotions of longing and desires within me to had begun to change. For the first time in this existence I've come to know, there was a longing for something more. The something more that this goddess could no longer give me. For what I desired was more than war and survival. I had suddenly just as my emotions for her longed to be free, so did I. From a distance she still controlled me though, locking me with the steel grips and chains to keep me from that longed freedom. But still, still I obligated and served this goddess. But I had already changed; I had changed more than I thought to be possible within myself. For now, now I was beginning to truly experience the emotions of others. The pain and sorrow and joy they felt as the wars continued to rage and the years continued to pass. One blink would lead to a year and then another to a second year. This strain and fight for control erupted into a whole new battleground. A battleground that no man, no creature, nor goddess could ever touch. No, this battleground lied in a special place. A place only I could get to. For this battle inside of me raged, threatening the tear and shatter the only true world I've ever known since becoming this. I couldn't stop the override emotions of my victims. No. Our victims. There was nothing truly ever mine to possess. Not in that world. Despite the feelings of the victims, the other creatures as their fates became sealed, elicited a different emotion that was always like cannons going off in my battlefield of war. It shot off every time the emotion of fear, or happiness hit me the moment before I took their created existence from them. I didn't realize then. Not until much later, that this battlefield was going to expand. It was going to expand so far and create so much destruction, that I doubted anything would be able to repair the damages. _

_Love. The need to protect. The need to be free. New emotions lead to new battles. But Peter, my dear friend Peter. He never realized how much he made me question my own existence that day. He never realized just how much his coming back to tell me of a life. That there was another life possible outside the cocoon world I had savagely been reborn into. I remembered letting him go with that woman whose name I had forgotten until then. Peter. The man who saved me from myself. I never did thank him, nor show him my true and utter gratitude for what he had done. He would never know either. No. That is one thing I had promised to myself. The emotions I had been feeling at that time were now locked away and buried within the slowly rebuilt structures of the battlefield inside of me. His little companion to would never know the magnitude of my thankfulness. _

_As I continued to wander this earth, a new set of realizations dawned upon me, casting yet darkness into my barely cleared skies of my mind. I was now alone. I had left the only two beings that have ever showed me pure and truthful care. No. I deserved this. I deserved this pain and sinking emotions for all the wrong doings I had done. I deserved this for all the lives I ended. I deserved this for the creatures I sentenced to an eternity in hell. I deserved this because I failed to see the truth in the words of a goddess. I failed to see the true nature and intentions of this being and for that; I deserved to spend an eternity wandering this mortal earth alone and left to my own accord. Alone…. I was so alone, carried away into the emptiness of my mind. Inside I was screaming, screaming for release to be with someone. I didn't care what such release would be. It could be creature or human. But humans were only my secondary choice had it ever come to that because their emotions were so scattered, so difficult to handle. No a human was not a choice. I could do better, perhaps to rid myself of the guilt and pains I felt if I chose to abate my basic survival instincts and not feed. But only such decisions lead to catastrophic outcomes, outcomes in which the pain of drinking but one was preferable than to the drinking of many. _

_I was all but forced to admit, that I was better off alone. My existence was better ended then to continue, but something kept stopping me from my decisions. It was a distant voice, a distant voice on my battlefield that told me not to do anything rash. That my life was here for a reason. That this reason no matter good or bad would reveal itself soon, so I held out. I held out for so long, so long in fact, I decided that I had gone mad from the voices. I could still not help but laugh. A creature, a monster like me insane. No. I was not capable of being insane. Insane could be helped, could be taken care of. No. my ideology of insane encased itself within the walls of my scarred body. The body ravaged in war and death all at the hands of the devil herself. _

_However…_

_As demons lay scattered among the mortal and immortal world, so do angels. Angels that fell from the sky to take pity on those whose souls were forever lost, forever gone in any form of existence. But, my angel, the angel who saved me she was different. This angel brought my soul back to me, letting it force itself back into my mind, my body. As I took her hand for the first time, there was no reason, no thought behind my action. There was no reasoning behind my choice of words as I dipped the hat covering my head. There was no reason because in that moment of contact, I felt fireworks shooting up into my darkened skies igniting them for the first time in my existence. They lit so bright, that before I knew it, the shadowy clouds began to clear, revealing a light blue sky. A sky where angels could only exist. She had done more than being me back from purgatory, but she took me home with her. She brought me back to the existence of light and life. Though my rotted heart lay still in my chest, there was something inside of it that still yearned to live, yearned to be free. _

_Today as my existence continues to grow and expand, that piece inside my heart wasn't something that yearned to be free. As my angel had taught me, that piece inside was the misplaced key to my heart and she took it without hesitation and unlocked it for me, letting light back into a place that had for so longed been covered in darkness. There was never a doubt in my mind from that first day, never shall there be because I realized now, all that I need, all that I ever truly desired for myself resided in that angel. _

_Despite the light that had been brought back into my life though, there will forever be scars inside my heart and reminds on my battlefield of the life and existence I once had. It would never go away, as would the scars that adorned my body. A forever constant reminder that maybe one day, the angel would go away and I would once again be thrust back into the world of darkness. But until then, I will continue to wait out my time in heaven. I will continue to thrive in this existence as I am now. For my past is written in stone, however, my future is always changing. But it is no longer changing alone. My future changes with that of my new family in existence and my angel. With that, I don't care what the future holds as long as that remains… _

Jasper sighed closing the black leather journal in his hands as the door to the room he was in opened and closed. He smiled faintly as the bed creaked next to him, soft arms wrapping themselves around him, drawing him closer to the fragrance he longed for. He glanced up at the creature holding him, the smile becoming softer knowing his angel had seen what he was doing, but she didn't ask. There was no need to ask questions she knew would get no answers for. Instead she lay back on the bed pulling him with her and he but too easily obligated. Her hand brushed through his honey blonde locks slowly relaxing him. He had yet to realize he had been as tense, so much like a statue as he wrote, the entire time his eyes had been reliving the memories as his hand condemned it to paper.

"I'm alright…" He assured but was silenced as Alice laid her fingers over his lips to quiet him resuming her slow strokes into his hair. He understood quietly and nodded closing his eyes relishing in the time with her.

The emotions he once had, the dark and longing feelings he desired to be rid of had truly disappeared. He was now forever locked into an atmosphere of love and serenity, an emotional climate he would never challenge. For now he realized that God's hand had reached down into the darkest pits of hell choosing someone to save and he was that one. He clung to the hand that pulled him from hell and helped him to ascend to heaven. And heaven or the angel he loved was something he would never have to relive because it was something he hoped to forever experience.

**Well that was it. Hope you all enjoyed. I was thinking of writing a companion story to this from Alices pov but I'm unsure. Any feedback or such will be greatly appreciated!**


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